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fasting, purging, and everything in-between

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[Oct. 25th, 2010|02:49 am]
fasting, purging, and everything in-between


hi, i am new to this community, but i'm looking for support, and to give support. i am a binge eater. i used to be a bulimic, but then i ruined my throat and had to stop. i also used to abuse diet pills and those hurt my throat too. but boy, i was so pretty. anyway, because of the medical problems, i stopped purging, and stopped the pills, and now i just binge eat. i eat like 5000 a day. i went from 120 to 160 in a single year. in june i was 130. i don't know what is happening to me. i'm hungry all the time, and i crave food, and want to eat it until i vomit it out and my body can't contain it. i look ill and very strange, since i am clearly not meant to be fat. i am so embarrassed and ashamed of what i've become. i'm 5'3'' which means i'm 20 pounds overweight. i would like to be 115 in a perfect world.

i can't exercise besides walking and yoga because i have herniated discs. i know what to eat, but of course instead i eat whole large pizzas and chocolate cakes. i am addicted to food. without purging and meds, i can't control it. i'm so lost. i ordered the meds again, and am going for laxatives until the adipex arrives, and hopefully drinking enough water will will not hurt my throat. i know i shouldn't but i'm desperate and i hate myself so much. does anyone here struggle with binge eating? how do you cope?

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[User Picture]From: fatamoeba
2010-10-25 11:38 am (UTC)
wow claire,
you're so brave. what did you do with your credit cards? i bought slim fast, i'm going to try that. and laxatives just to jump start it. i'm so ashamed. i don't know how people even look at me.
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[User Picture]From: lessenme
2010-10-25 11:18 pm (UTC)
I dont have credit cards, purposely. And if you can live without them, as in pay rent and bills without them, then chop them up. Or tell someone you trust you are spending too much and worried, and give them to them. That way what you spend is controlled.
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[User Picture]From: fatamoeba
2010-10-27 07:45 am (UTC)
very good idea!
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[User Picture]From: slave2mia
2010-12-03 04:44 am (UTC)
I totally feel your pain, and identify with your struggle. I used to be able to purge whenever I binged and was sometimes even able to restrict somewhat, but now I'm being "watched" by several different people in my life (for god sakes, Im almost 30 years old, I should be able to do this without anyone criticizing me!!!). My problem is ALSO that I take a psych med called Seroquel, which makes your metabolism slow down as well as have ridiculous food cravings. Soooooo....50 lbs later, and the BIGGEST i've ever been, and people wonder why i stay depressed!!! But I finally convinced my doc to change me to another med, but its hard cuz my other issues make things worse. But hang in there, hon, I know you can do this and get thru it...we can be supports for each other, eh? I've been away from LJ for a looooong time, so I'm basically new again (all the ppl i used to know are gone i think), so i need support and someone to "report to", and be accountable to.
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[User Picture]From: fatamoeba
2010-12-03 10:01 am (UTC)
hang in there. you can be strong. a month ago i was at 165, and now i'm st 151. it's still huge, but we're getting there slowly.
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[User Picture]From: slave2mia
2010-12-06 07:20 pm (UTC)
Yeah im actually trying to get down to 165 by Christmas if possible (i'm 180 now....yikes!!! scariest, ugliest, BIGGEST ive ever been before). But thanx for the encouragement. It ALWAYS helps to hear from someone who understands what you're going thru...take care :)
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[User Picture]From: skinnysecrets18
2010-12-23 08:21 pm (UTC)
Binging is my big problem to. I lost almost 20lbs this year by cutting down portion sizes and just chewing gum instead of actually eating inbetween meals. I try to only eat one or 1.5 meals a day... I know how you feel though, it is very hard to lose weight when FOOD is all you care about! But stay strong.. message me!
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-02-13 07:47 am (UTC)

Me too.

omg, i just ordered (and devoured) a large pizza and chocolate cake the other day. i eat until i cry. the only thing i can do is not eat. it sucks being hungry, but its well worth all the pain and sorrow caused by eating. after about a week of not eating (except for lattes, vodka, and water...) i am able to allow myself to eat vegetables. it sucks how just one food item can just set you off.... i am so glad to have found this forum.
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-04-02 10:50 pm (UTC)
I identify with you so much. Im 5ft 2 and about 150lbs not sure exactly. I try to restrict and then binge its an ugly cycle. Its sad to know Id be so skinny if it werent for the bingeing.
Email me elenaariademico@yahoo.com and we cant text each other if we feel the urge to binge if you want
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